July 13, 2021

Hi Tina,

Role identities — what’s your number?

The other day I couldn’t get the idea of role identities out of my head. I just wrapped up another round of my course, Going from Chaos to Charisma where we focused on how to conquer the fear of change and overcome overwhelm.

Most of the people I get the privilege to work with struggle with a common theme. They’re spinning too many plates; they’re exhausted and don’t know how to get out of the cycle they’re in. They have several roles in life and yet they seem to have lost their identity. Sound familiar? I’ve been there.

How many roles do you have in life? That was the question I opened with at a presentation the other day. I don’t mean physical roles, I mean the actual titles or roles that are part of your life — wife, mother, business owner, etc. The number may astound you. I came up with 41. That’s right, 41! And there are probably more.

I’m not much different from you. My guess is that you could come up with close to the same number. I challenged the audience to write down a number and then to double it. Some people found this task to be a challenge.

What’s your number?

When we think of all the roles we play in life, it can put us in overwhelm. Yet, I’d like to suggest, it doesn’t have to if we’re authentic in each of the roles.

Think about it. Are you the same person in each of your roles? Why or why not? Or do you pretend to be someone different at work than you are at home?

What I’ve learned over the years is the more we stretch to be someone that is not congruent with who we truly are, the more exhausted we become at the end of the day, week or year.

This adds up to burnout.

Here’s how to stop the chaos ...

Stay true to who you are, despite the role.

When you stay true to who you are, you’ll benefit in 3 ways:

Less pressure – it’s exhausting to pretend to be something you’re not.
Sense of ease in decision making and choosing commitments – it either aligns with who you are, or it doesn’t.
Ease on how to approach or respond to situations – others will know where you stand.

Often, clients come to me with role identity challenges, but they don’t call it that. It sounds more like this:

I’m not appreciated
I don’t feel my voice is heard
I have untapped skills not being used
I don’t feel I’m doing what I’m meant to do
I’m underpaid

Once we get down to the reasons why they feel that way, we can begin to raise their awareness and ability to have a voice and a purpose within their actions. That’s when confidence is built, activity becomes productive, and peace of mind and joy are discovered.

How can you be more at peace and authentic in each of your roles? Let me know how you’re accomplishing that; I love to hear success stories!

Now I must know. What was your number?

To your outrageous success,

Tina Asher
Business/Career Coach • Trainer • Author
Build U Up Consulting

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Helpful Resources

Managers & Leaders: Download this free guide to discover where you might be out of balance so you can become a better boss.

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Tina Asher
Career Coach • Trainer • Author

With 20+ years in leading, training, sales management, and coaching, Tina Asher brings a broad skillset to helping busy professionals elevate their success. She holds certifications with one of the world's leading sources for science-based, validated assessment and coaching tools. Tina is passionate about serving others to reach their full potential while balancing a full and productive life.

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What’s your number?

Now I must know. What was your number?

Recommended Reading

Now available for Kindle, too!

Helpful Resources