February 14, 2023

Hi Tina,

Communication breakdowns can lead to breakups.

They can also lead to missed opportunities.

A while back, I had a client who was taken advantage of by a company that hired him. He was doing the work he was hired to do, getting great results, and yet some promises made to him kept getting pushed back to a later date. In addition, they continued to add to his workload.

Twice when senior executives were giving him praise for his exceptional accomplishments, they asked him how he was doing. Both times, he chose not to share his disappointment with the lack of loyalty on their part.

He didn’t express his thoughts or what he wanted.

This led to some resentment toward the company and he began to pursue other opportunities from other companies.

Don’t miss opportunities to express what you want. Too often people assume that they “shouldn’t have to tell them, or they’ll remember all of the extra things I did for them,” and you get the picture.

Fortunately for my client, he’s intelligent, highly marketable and will succeed wherever he goes. Unfortunately for that company, they’ve lost a good one and probably don’t really understand why.

Read on to discover why it’s important to ask for what you want. And if you ever need help “finding your voice”, to be heard, appreciated, or respected, let me help. Let’s talk.

To your success,

Tina Asher
Business/Career Coach • Trainer • Author
Build U Up Consulting

The Powerful Act of Asking for What You Want

Asking for what you want is a powerful, empowering act that can send strong ripples through your life. While it may seem simple enough, four things need to be in place first:

1. You know what you want.

2. You fully believe you deserve it.

3. You are prepared to accept the answer “No.”

4. You have the communication skills needed for an effective request.

And if you're not sure how to get these in place, let's have a conversation.

What Do You Want?
Wants emerge from needs you are experiencing, for example: the need to be heard, the need for respect, expedience, beauty, intimacy. Knowing the need helps you be clear about what you are requesting. It’s helpful to distinguish between needs that move us toward well-being and those that never really bring happiness, such as the desire for approval or to be right.

Believe You Deserve It
If you think you can’t have what you want, take time to examine your limiting beliefs. Make a list of all the things you want, then write all the reasons you can’t have them. Are these reasons really true? Have you made decisions about “reality” or made assumptions about others that keep you from even asking for what you want? When you ask people for what you want, you offer them the opportunity to contribute, something we all wish to do.

Prepare for No
Asking for what you truly want honors your experience and brings you into deeper alignment with the essence of who you are. You connect with your own humanness and know where you stand. Having asked, it may no longer be so important that you get exactly what you want; the asking, itself, is empowering.

Effective Communication
Tony Robbins says, “The answer is always ‘no’ if you don’t ask.” True! But asking is more effective when you follow these guidelines for effective communication:

1. State your need clearly, followed by your request.

2. Ask for what you want in the present (not “I wanted you to help me with the kids yesterday.”)

3. Ask for what you do want, not what you don’t want. (“I want you to spend time with me,” not “I don’t want you to be at work so much.”)

4. Ask in the form of a request, rather than a demand.

5. Detach from the outcome.

Remember that empowerment comes in the asking. When you ask for what you want, you have planted not only the seeds of better communication, but of more clearly knowing who you are, which is present in what you want.

Teetering: A Frazzled, Overworked Person's Guide to Embracing Change and Finding Balance

If you’re overworked and over-stressed, Teetering is for you. You’ll learn tips and ideas to help you avoid costly mistakes and feelings of overwhelm so you can get off the tightrope and have the life you desire.

BONUS! Order now and I'll send you the Teetering Journal — a downloadable companion journal — to write your notes and discoveries as you read the book.

Now available for Kindle, too!

Helpful Resources

Managers & Leaders: Download this free guide to discover where you might be out of balance so you can become a better boss.

Connect with Me: Click here to schedule a complimentary Strategy Session to chat about how I can help you better communicate with and develop your team and build you up for success.

Tina Asher
Career Coach • Trainer • Author

With 20+ years in leading, training, sales management, and coaching, Tina Asher brings a broad skillset to helping busy professionals elevate their success. She holds certifications with one of the world's leading sources for science-based, validated assessment and coaching tools. Tina is passionate about serving others to reach their full potential while balancing a full and productive life.

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