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October 15, 2020
Hello Tina,
Are you toxic? I don’t mean in the COVID kind of way. 😉 Do you have a hard time saying, “no”? You might have the people-pleasing syndrome and if not careful, it can lead to unhealthy decisions that in turn can affect your well-being and affect those around you.
My client had this need to be at the beck and call for every task and misfortune her company endured. If an employee was hired and didn’t work out, she took on their workload. This happened over and over again. The love she once had for her boss and her company slowly crept into resentment and despair. She eventually gained the confidence to say enough is enough and we worked out a plan for her to approach her boss. She ultimately received recognition for her hard work and a pay raise that was long overdue.
Do you think you might be a people pleaser? Take the quiz below to find out.
Make today your best!
Tina Asher
Business/Career Coach • Trainer • Facilitator
Build U Up Consulting
Do You Have the People-Pleasing Syndrome?
Pleasing other people—who could find fault with that? Isn’t it a good thing to consider the needs of others, to be gracious, to be nice? By all means! But for many, the desire to please becomes an addictive need to please others, even at the expense of their own health and happiness. It takes a toll on health, relationships and quality of life, and it drowns out the inner voice that may be trying to protect us from overdoing it.
“As a people-pleaser, you feel controlled by your need to please others and addicted to their approval,” writes Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., in The Disease to Please. “At the same time, you feel out of control over the pressures and demands on your life that these needs have created.”
Take this quiz to see whether you can benefit from learning to say no to others more often—and yes to yourself.
- I put others’ needs before my own, even when the cost to me and my own happiness is great.
- If someone needs my help, I can’t say no. In fact, I often find it difficult to say no. And when I do, I feel guilty.
- To avoid reactions I’m afraid of, I often try to be who others want me to be, to agree with them, to fit in.
- I keep my own needs and problems to myself; I don’t want to burden others with them.
- It’s my job to make sure everyone else is happy.
- I always have a smile on my face and an upbeat attitude, even if I feel sad or angry or hurt.
- I go out of my way to avoid conflict and confrontation; it’s better just to keep the peace.
- I am often on the go, rushing to get things done. When I take a moment for myself, I feel selfish, indulgent and guilty.
- I should always be nice and never hurt others’ feelings.
- I’ll do whatever it takes to get someone to stop being mad at me.
- I hold back from saying what I really think or from asking for what I want if I think someone will be upset with me for it.
- I want everyone to like me…all the time.
- I feel like a failure if I’ve displeased anyone.
- If I don’t make others happy, I worry that I’ll be alone and unloved forever.
- I will change my behavior, at my own expense, to make others happy.
- I spend a lot of time doing things for others, but almost never ask anyone to do things for me.
- If I ask people for help and they agree, I’m sure they must be giving out of obligation; if they really wanted to help, they would have offered without my asking.
- It’s difficult for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I'm close to.
The motivations for being a people pleaser are varied and usually quite unconscious. Transforming these patterns requires that we understand our pleasing behaviors and motivations and heal the childhood wounds that usually underlie people pleasing. If you answered True more often than False, you may need support in saying Yes to yourself!
I’d love to explore this with you, or any other issue that might be holding you back. Click here to schedule a complimentary strategy session with me.
Author’s content used under license, ©2008 Claire Communications
Recommended Reading ...
 Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
From Amazon.com:
Does your life feel like it's out of control? Perhaps you feel like you have to say yes to everyone's requests. Maybe you find yourself readily taking responsibility for others' feelings and problems. Or perhaps you focus so much on being loving and unselfish that you've forgotten your own limits and limitations. Or maybe it's all of the above.
In the New York Times bestseller, Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend help you learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of your life and set healthy, biblical boundaries with your spouse, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even yourself.
Be Inspired ...
Helpful Resources ...
Managers & Leaders: Download this free guide to discover where you might be out of balance so you can become a better boss.
Career Help: Unsure about your job? Download this free tool to assess your career and see where you might be out of balance.
Better Communication: Want to communicate better with your co-workers and family? This three-part self-study course "Building Better Communication" is designed to help you better understand yourself and the people in your life.
Connect with Me: Click here to schedule a complimentary Strategy Session to chat about how I can help you better communicate with and develop your team and build you up for success.
 Tina Asher
Career Coach • Trainer • Facilitator
With 20+ years in leading, training, sales management, and coaching, Tina Asher brings a broad skillset to helping busy professionals elevate their success. She holds certifications with one of the world's leading sources for science-based, validated assessment and coaching tools. Tina is passionate about serving others to reach their full potential while balancing a full and productive life.
©2020 Tina Asher & Build U Up Consulting
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